PRESSURES UNTOLD
Although there are people who strive to portray themselves as close to who they are as they can, sometimes the pressure to conform to the majority’s standards can be too much. How did our Barbies handle it? Did they succumb to Ken (a.k.a. patriarchy)? Hence, the interviewees were asked if they felt any pressure to present themselves as more masculine than how they perceived themselves to be.
MASC OR MASK?
“Minsan sinasabi nila it’s the internalized homophobia na ayaw sa mga fem-presenting na mga bading kahit na ikaw mismo ay bading. Siguro one would say yung environment din, if it’s not really welcoming sa mga fem, mahihirapan ka talaga na makita ang sarili mo in a feminine manner. But siguro, you just need to embrace it. Minsan kailangan mo na lang isipin na wala namang pake yung mga tao. That’s my mindset right now. Kaya everytime may gagawin akong embarrassing thing, [iniisip ko na lang na] makakalimutan din naman nila yan eh. Di ko kailangan isipin, [gawing] big deal masyado.”
Kurt Liam Dones
Kristian Arellano
“Before, yes during my younger years like senior high school. Di pa kasi ako nakaka-fully out nung time na yun. There are insecurities within me talaga when it comes to presenting my masculine side during those times. But as I aged, as I understand gender more, parang [naisip ko] ‘bakit ako mahihiya kung ano ako? Kung ayaw niyo sakin edi wag’ tapos kung idi-discriminate nila ako, kung b*tch ka, mas b*tch ako. Kung petty ka, mas petty ako. . . . As I aged i tried to be less apologetic for being myself. Pero having insecurities, yes meron pa rin but nami-minimize na.”
Josher Quizon
“Now I know I don’t feel any pressure to conform, to be more masculine-presenting but I have a lot of friends that do. I try to empower my friends to be their true selves. I tell them to try and show who you really are kasi there will still be people who will be interested in you regardless when you really want to go out on dates or hook-up with someone who’s not even interested in the real you. . . . I can really see the impact of conforming sa kanila kasi they’re your friends and you know how they really act. And when you see their dating apps profile, na ‘that’s not you,’ ‘hindi ikaw yan eh.’ . . . there will still be someone who will find you beautiful even if hindi ka magpapakita ng more masculine-looking photos.
The interviewees admitted that there was a time in which they portrayed themselves to be more manly than how they really are. Internalized homophobia, insecurities, and discrimination were the most mentioned factors that forced them to conform. But eventually, they learned to unlearn the patriarchal ideology strongly and deeply embedded in our society and gradually broke free from the box, embracing the real them.