ILLUSIONS OF AUTHENTICITY
MASC OR MASK?
As previously established, no matter how much people try to muster up the courage to express their perceived true selves and condition themselves to just dismiss others’ disparaging remarks, the valid fear of being discriminated against for not conforming to the masculine stereotype still affects gay men at some point. To take a trip down memory lane, the interviewees were asked if there was a point in time when they had to alter how they presented themselves in online dating spaces.
“Of course, especially nung nag-bulk up ako. I feel like, especially sa social media, people would like me better nung umayos yung pangangatawan ko, when I started to take care of myself better. But I think may mga alterations din naman talaga akong ginawa sa sarili ko. But not just physical, more on behavior, atittudes, because when it comes to online dating, it’s not really for the weak-hearted. Kailangan strong yung paniniwala mo sa sarili mo, firm yung belief mo, and may confidence ka na hindi agad-agad matitibag ng kahit sino like mga rejections, mga pagtingin sayo.”
Kurt Liam Dones
“Yes, in order for me to cater to a bigger market. Lumiliit na ang market, so ano ba ang kailangan kong gawin? So since kaya ko naman i-hide yung feminine side ko talaga, nag-bank ako sa side na I’m masculine. . . . When it comes to dating, it depends kung paano ko siya itatake. Most of the time leaning towards having a masculine tone sa conversation, yun din talaga napre-present ko. I think yun yung naging default, being in the closet for how many years din halos so parang yun yung naging custom na kapag nagsalita ka, lower register, calmer, tapos hindi makabasag-pinggan.”
Kristian Arellano
“Nung nagdadating apps ako before, I had to change how I act, the way I wear my clothes because I wanted to be seen as attractive and I wanted to conform. Kasi if I don’t conform, I would get punished like I would have less people interested in me because femininity is stigmatized in the community . . . but that’s not the case anymore ngayon especially since I recently became single."
"I became more accepting of myself and my own femininity because I realized that if someone wants to be with me, I want them to be with me because they are attracted to me as a person and not some shell of a person that I'm trying to become. It takes a lot to accept that you have internalized homophobia pero the effort that it takes to be able to get over that is something very important because I’ve been a lot happier with myself and I’ve been happier with the kinds of people that I’ve been with because I let go of this internalized homophobia.”
Josher Quizon
From the interviewees’ answers, the strong preference for masculine gay men is evident. Those who are masculine get more compliments and appreciation, attracting more potential dates than those who present themselves as feminine. While the interviewees were able to step out of the limiting and oppressive box, sadly, internalized homophobia and patriarchal ideologies are still ingrained in most gay men.