I’M A 10, SO I PULL IN A KEN:
FINDING SECURITY IN UNCERTAINTY
Through the experiences authentically shared by Liam, Kristian, and Josher, it goes without saying that queer worlds are equally penetrated by a longstanding history of heteronormative gender structures and standards, permeating into the way they think, act, and feel. For those who deviate from these (commonly masculine-centric) norms, this results in cases of internalized homophobia and discrimination within queer spaces, which manifests through othering—most commonly faced by feminine queers in online dating spaces.
For Liam, delusion—harnessing a negative connotation for many—actually serves a positive purpose in developing self-confidence, for as long as it is utilized as a tool for building security.
“Delusion is the key. Kailangan mong lokohin yung sarili mo na ‘ganito ka ganyan ka,’ pero at the same time you maintain a grip of who you really are. So delusion na parang, ‘okay I’m likeable ganito ganyan’…but at the same time you exude this quiet confidence sa sarili mo na assured ka—assured ka sa mga criticisms ng ibang tao.”
For Kristian, navigating through the harsh pressure cooker of an environment begins through kindness not only in expressing your preferences, but in wherever you go. After all, in queer spaces, everyone is going through a plight—one way or another. He also invites queer Filipinos to never limit themselves to exploring within online dating spaces.
“To those who are struggling in this online environment, especially when it comes to gay dating…just be kind. Be kind to people that you talk to. Be kind to the people around you—online and offline, kase dating…it cannot be deduced to online dating. Because search mo pa, madami pang avenues on meeting new people and expanding your horizons and spreading your wings and learning how to fly.”
Josher, on the other hand, ponders on the importance of safe spaces, as the founder of Prism, the first LGBTQIA+ organization in De La Salle University Manila.
“Find spaces where they feel accepted in…find friends that empower them, because being empowered by people within their community goes such a long way…where they can be free, where they can be themselves without thinking that they would get judged…it really shows when you’re happy in your own skin, in your own community. You feel more confident.”
I’M A 10, SO I PULL IN A KEN: FINDING SECURITY IN UNCERTAINTY
Self-Reflection. Pride. Enlightenment.
How does one navigate through the pressures of a masculine-leaning digital space?
Regniting Pride
Queer people are beautifully made up of the many colors of the rainbow, and this perpetual sense of variety extends to their experiences of self-discovery—some good, some bad, never equally the same. Thus, through recognizing the individuality of each queer person’s journey, transform an online community of prejudice into a community built on the spirit that first defined its existence:
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PRIDE.
Ken
Ken's World
0917-BARBIE
Through surrounding yourself with people who empower your authenticity and bring out kindness (and for some, maybe a positive sprinkle of delusion) from your soul,
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May you never have to set foot into a digital space feeling the pressure of turning into someone you are not.
Barbie
Your World
091712PRIDE
Ken
For when queer people are secure enough to live out their own truths, there would never be a need to express hate and discrimination in the very community that should serve as their safe space..
After all, pride begins through allowing yourself to receive the love and security you richly deserve, before sharing it with others.
Be loud and be proud.
Happy swiping!
References
About Grindr. (n.d.). https://www.grindr.com/about
Clay, J. (2016, November 15). Discovering ‘MasC 4 MasC.’ MTV. https://www.mtv.com/news/4zii0u/discovering-masc-4-masc
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Graves, N. (2023, February). I am a gay man and I’m tired of dating apps. https://thelinknewspaper.ca/article/i-am-a-gay-man-and-im-tired-of-dating-apps
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Pamanian, P. (2022). The evolution of online dating. Daily Sundial. https://sundial.csun.edu/168529/arts-entertainment/the-evolution-of-online-dating/
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Pollitt, A. M., Mernitz, S. E., Russell, S. T., Curran, M. A., & Toomey, R. B. (2021). Heteronormativity in the Lives of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Queer Young People. Journal of homosexuality, 68(3), 522–544. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2019.1656032
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Solis, R. (2020, June). Cruising Through Spaces: Exploring the Mediatization of Gay Cruising in the Philippines. Plaridel Journal. https://www.plarideljournal.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2020-01-Solis.pdf
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“What is 'internalized homophobia?'” Medical News Today, 15 March 2021, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/internalized-homophobia. Accessed 19 January 2024.